The Ol' Ballfield

Y-I-K-E-S, Eric Byrnes.

This is the launch of a segment that I hope to continue, called "Y-I-K-E-S". Today's edition of Y-I-K-E-S centers around the new & improved Baseball Tonight, with 50% more current ballplayers (Eric Byrnes and Vernon Wells), and 50% less fat idiot (John Kruk counts as two fat idiots). The following exchange happened between Karl Ravech and Eric Byrnes, quoted to the best of my memory:

Ravech: "Eric, you offered a unique perspective this afternoon on Derek Jeter, do you think you could, do you think you could re-state what that was for those who may have missed it?"
Byrnes: "Man-love."
Ravech: "Man-love?"
Byrnes: "Man-love."
[At this point Vernon Wells is starting to look *really* weirded out, and Tim Kurkjian has nearly fallen under the desk laughing.]
Ravech: "Do you think you can define this concept of man-love?"
Byrnes: "He's my favorite player. He's my favorite athlete."

To quote Dave Barry, I am not making any of this up. Byrnes then launched into a huge soliloquy about just how much he "man-loves" Derek Jeter, talking about all the usual great guy, intangibles, blah blah blah. Then he manages to top himself:

"He's the only guy in the league that, when I get around him... he just has this aura about him."

The "..." is not jumping around in the quote, it just represents a pause during which Byrnes got a look in his eye that made me think gallons of raw emotion were going to spill out of his mouth and onto the floor, like a seventh-grade pre-pubescent girl tearily emoting that someday, dammit, she would marry Aaron Carter.

But seriously, "When I get around him"?!

Y-I-K-E-S.

posted by Carnival @ 10/04/2006